


Last Christmas

by Ninagore



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Adult Ciel Phantomhive, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Death/Suicide, Loneliness, M/M, Sad Christmas, SebaCiel - Freeform, Sebastian Still older than Ciel, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:08:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21865744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninagore/pseuds/Ninagore
Summary: “Stay with me.” said Sebastian overwhelm by the feeling of those beautiful blue eyes on him.“You know I can’t. But you can come with me.” And Ciel held out his delicate hand toward Sebastian. Without thinking, Sebastian stand up ignoring his drunken state, willing to follow Ciel’s wishes.
Relationships: Sebastian Michaelis & Ciel Phantomhive
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Last Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChromeHoplite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromeHoplite/gifts).



> Hi, Nina here. 
> 
> This is my contribution to the tumblr's event "12 Days of SebaCiel"
> 
> Day 9: Ghosts of Chritmas Past: Angst and whump.
> 
> I dedicate my first publish fanfic (because I have alot in progress in some place in my computer and cloud) to ChromeHoplite for support and encourage me to write. You are my hero!
> 
> And a special thank to griever-bit-my-finger, chaotic-orangegod and plague-of-insomnia for hosting this event.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!!

Click.  
The sound of ice cubes moving in his glass of bittersweet whisky was the only sound in the room. Sitting in the kitchen bar, Sebastian drank the last drop on his glass, ending his first bottle of the night.

His head was starting to spin around, starting to lose his senses into his drunkenness. But that wasn’t enough to stop him from opening a second bottle and filling his glass again.

“You’re drinking.” Sebastian drank the whole glass in one gulp ignoring the voice behind him. “I thought that you wanted to leave that bad habit.”

“And I did.” Sebastian answered as fast as he ended another drink without turning around. He didn’t want to face whatever it was talking to him. The last time he knew he was alone in his apartment. Maybe he was too drunk to care anymore or his sorrow surrender to that beautiful voice he knew so well and he had missed so much since last Christmas.

Sebastian took another drink and the second bottle was empty.

“You didn’t decorate the apartment this year. Is Christmas Eve.” Sebastian laugh to the irony of that comment. He looked around his dark apartment. No lights, no decorations, no tree.

“I don’t like Christmas...” Sebastian said trying to open his third bottle miserably.

“So, you lied to me all these years.” Sebastian felt a boiling rage growing down his stomach and turn around.

“I NEVER LIED TO YOU. NOT ONCE!” Sebastian yelled and froze before the image of his unexpected companion. Those beautiful big blue eyes, slender figure and rosy lips showing a big sincere smile. “You are the love of my life. I would never lie to you.” Said Sebastian turning his back at his beautiful hallucination, trying to drown his tears in the bottom of his glass.

“I know. I’m just teasing.” And a little laugh scape from those lips Sebastian was so urgent to taste again.

“Ciel, please don’t do this to me.” Another drink was swallow like Sebastian’s life depend on it.

“Do what? I thought you have miss me.” Ciel laugh, innocently. Like a little child playing a cruel game.

“I don’t like Christmas anymore...” Sebastian corrected, trying to serve another drink spilling most of the whisky in the bar.

And there was silence once again. Only Sebastian’s agitated breath, the ice cubes and his screaming thoughts. Drinking glass after glass trying to shut down his thoughts, fill up his broken heart with whisky and drown his endless pain as he has been trying to do this last year. But the reason of that insane feeling was right there, motionless. Or was he?

He turns again to see his beloved Ciel. The one that brought so much happiness into his life and killing pain when he was gone.

“You always loved that sweater.” Said Sebastian with a clear head all of sudden, admiring that big gray sweater that was his but it looked extremely well on Ciel’s petit form.

“You give it to me. On that rainy day after our first date.” Ciel’s smile was getting bigger and bigger.

“You know, I buy that sweater the day I meet you.” Sebastian has left his glass behind, ignoring the fact that he just has finish his third bottle of whisky.

“You told me that story a thousand times. And I love it.”

\---

_The Phantomhive twins were well known for been the sons of the richest man in town. They were recognized everywhere they went. Not just only because of the high-class clothing they always wear like two international models, also by their gorgeous features. Everybody wanted to be near them._

_Like two teenagers showing off (the oldest more than the youngest) they liked to walk along with his all rich friends into one of the exclusive malls in the area. Just to show off how much money they could spend and how many attentions they could get. And as that, they didn’t pass unnoticed by the hazel eye bartender of the exclusive bar of the place._

__\---__

“I fell for you the moment I saw you.” Sebastian said not taking his eyes of those beautiful sapphires. “I wanted to impress you, so I took the last of my savings and buy that gray sweater.”

__\---  
_Laughs where the only thing Sebastian received when he approached the twins. Ciel been the only one that stare at Sebastian in silence with rosy cheeks. Sebastian wanted to talk to Ciel in private to introduce himself, wearing a high cost sweater that didn't match the rest of his old outfit. Been overheard by oldest twin and the rest of the group, they started to make fun of him and told him to get away. Sebastian was known for been the hottest bartender of the mall. But also, for been the broke bartender who worked two shifts. With a boiling rage and a broken heart, he left the vain adolescents. Leaving Ciel all confused and worried._

____\---____

____“____ You went and apologized for what your friends had done and give me your number.” Sebastian smile remembering how red Ciel’s face was before he run away so embarrass. “That’s the only reason a keep the sweater.”

“That is the reason I love this sweater.” Ciel’s voice was so melodic. Like a siren hypnotizing all his senses.

“Stay with me.” said Sebastian overwhelm by the feeling of those beautiful blue eyes on him.

“You know I can’t. But you can come with me.” And Ciel held out his delicate hand toward Sebastian. Without thinking, Sebastian stand up ignoring his drunken state, willing to follow Ciel’s wishes.

Knock Knock.

Sebastian was out of the enchantment the moment someone knock on the door. He grabbed from the corner of the bar strong enough before his dizziness makes him fall. He looked up and Ciel was gone. He was back to reality and with that his drunken state was worse. The knocks on the door were difficult to ignored. Sebastian walked grabbing from the walls or any furniture in his way to stay put. He opened the door ready to scream to whoever was on the other side but his word died in his throat. It was Ciel’s twin.

“Hey!” The last person he needed to see. Sebastian didn’t answer, he didn’t even react. For the first in the night he was aware of how drunk he was. And the image of Ciel’s brother was all blurry. “You’re drunk again.” The oldest twin said with a taint of sadness and annoyance in his voice. Sebastian laugh ironically, they really where so alike.

“What do you want?” Sebastian tried to sound as badass as he could, like he was in his youth, before meeting Ciel.

“We were specking you for dinner. It’s Christmas.” He could hear Ciel’s voice in his brother’s, the alcohol was making a bad mix with his feelings.

“I don’t think so.” Sebastian was getting mad by every second it passes; his sight was starting to clear up at least. And then he notices that Ciel’s brother was carrying a box with food. Christmas dinner left overs. He looks at the clock on the wall of his living room. It was pass midnight. Officially Christmas Day.

“Can I at least come in?” Said the twin making sings to the box. Sebastian just move out of the way with annoyance. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with this shit.

The apartment was dark and sad. At least was clean and that was a relive to Ciel’s brother. He knew that for Sebastian him been there was devastating. Sebastian followed the twin into the kitchen putting all his weight into the bar trying in vain in hiding his drunkenness.

“You know,” The blue eye man said putting the food in the kitchen table. “Despise all the things that happened between us we are still family…”

“You know that’s not true!” Sebastian interrupted making the man tremble. The twins were alike in so many ways but his beloved Ciel had innocent caring eyes, thing that his brother haven’t. The twin dropped his façade of caring relative and saw into Sebastian drunken eyes with pity.

“What would Ciel think if he see you in this miserable state?” Sebastian grab an empty bottle and throw if to the floor with all his rage. Making no difference in the twin’s bold look.

“GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!” and with that the twin was gone.

Sebastian throw out the other two empty bottles spreading the broken glass in the kitchen floor. He wanted to scream, to cry his heart out. To run away into the end of the word, to end his pain. So, he opened his fourth bottle of whisky.

“You never liked my brother, do you?” And with that beloved melodic voice Sebastian’s head was clear again.

“Not after what he did.”

“He did not like his baby brother been taken away by a badass hot boy” Ciel smiled as Sebastian did. He just wanted to carry his beautiful lover into his arms by surprise and make love to him in any part of his apartment, as he used to do. But he was afraid that if he gets near him, Ciel would disappear again.

____\---_ _ _ _

_After months of Sebastian and Ciel dating in secret, the older twin found out by an unattended text in Ciel’s phone, telling everyone including his parents. Ciel confront him and his whole family telling them for the first time that he was gay. Ciel wanted to text Sebastian immediately, just to find out a bunch of texts he didn’t send telling Sebastian to meet in a specific place. Ciel got to that place as fast as he could, but no one was there and he imagined the worst. He went to Sebastian’s apartment, just to find out that his brother had used his phone to meet up with Sebastian and hit him up with some of his friends as a message to make him stay away from Ciel._

_Sebastian was bleeding from his nose and mouth, with bruises in his face and arms. His has caught by surprise._

_“I swear... I got nothing to do with it” Ciel tried to explain but Sebastian was so angry and humiliated that he ignores the sweet boy. “Please Sebast…”_

_“I don’t want to see you again.” Sebastian said without taking his eyes from the floor. He didn’t have the heart to see how Ciel broke into tears. “I got from you what I wanted. I don’t want to see you anymore.” Sebastian never rise his head as his speaks. He tried to sound as cruel as possible, despise the fact that he was dying inside._

_“What do you mean by that?” Ciel was shaking._

_“I got you into my bed. I don’t need nothing else from you”. And Sebastian give him the coldest look he could._

_Ciel left heartbroken. And Sebastian though it was for the best. They were from different worlds and he will never have the financial stability to give Ciel the life he deserved. Or so he thought until one day, not too far from their break up that Ciel show up at his door. With a suitcase._

_“How dare you make the choice for me!” Sebastian always loved the way Ciel’s temperament make him seems so adorable._

_“Whaa..”_

_“Agni told me the whole truth.” Sebastian was speechless, still holding the door knock on his hand._

_“Who do you think you are to think you know what is best for me.” Ciel said with tears in his eyes in a mix of angriness and happiness to know that the one he loved still loved him too._

_“I got nothing to give you” Sebastian said with embarrassment._

_“The only thing I need is you, you moron!” and with that Ciel hugged Sebastian with a force that almost make Sebastian fall._

_“I’m sorry.” And they both began to cry. For the love the fell for each other and the difficult of their situation. “Stay with me.” And Ciel did._

________________________________\---_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Now I understand that that was the way your family wanted to protect you” Sebastian try to approach Ciel for the first time in the night but Ciel walk away, into the living room.

“You always hated that painting” Said Ciel giving his back to Sebastian, changing drastically the subject.

“I do.” Sebastian laugh unaware that now the fourth bottle of whisky was empty and the fifth one was by the half. “I haven’t changed a thing of the way you decorated our apartment. I can’t…”

Ciel turn around and got close to Sebastian. Smiling, he grabbed Sebastian hands into his. Ciel hands were cold, but Sebastian didn’t mind.

“Remember our first Christmas together?” Ciel asked.

“We barely had any furniture but you wanted a big Christmas tree.” Sebastian laugh at the memory of the childish way Ciel was begging for it.

“Christmas was my favorite day of the year.” Ciel was closer.

“I know that more than anyone”. The fifth bottle of whisky was empty.

“Why you hate Christmas know?” Ciel cold hands where around his neck and Sebastian embrace his slender figure.

“You give me the life I’ve never imagen I could have.” Sebastian whisper into Ciel’s cold ear. “And you make me love Christmas more than ever.” Sebastian remember all the Christmas they spend together with joy, love and laughter.

“But it was in last Christmas when you were gone.”

________________________________\---_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Sebastian run into the hospital in horror. The train accident was in all the news. The train that Ciel told him he would get to get home. The accident has been so catastrophic that the lobby was crowded with people that wanted to know what had happen with their relatives. Sebastian started to feel anxious at every hour its passed._

_“Mr. Michaelis?” a nurse finally called and only by the look on her face he felt his heart die. “I’m sorry.” and he was out of his mind. His head was spinning around. He knew the nurse was still talking, he could see her mouth move. But he didn’t understand what was happening around him. His body was moving by itself and he walked behind the nurse into the morgue. He was breathless, in shock. A petit body was over a silver table covered by a white blanket. He could hear the nurse voice far, far away. The body was uncovered so he could identify it. He was wearing his favorite gray sweater. And even when the corpse was covered again, he stays there motionless staring who knows how long._

_“Yes, its him.” It was Christmas eve. They were supposed to be in Ciel’s parent’s house for dinner. But Ciel was late for last minute Christmas shopping and he took that damn train. And the last thing they did was share a heated kiss promising something more for the time Ciel return. But he never did._

_“Excuse me, Sir?” the nurse call for the sixth time taking Sebastian out of his shock. “What’s your relation with the deceased?”._

_“I’m his husband”_

__________________________________________\---_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sebastian got Ciel into his arms. Strong enough to last a lifetime. Ciel return the embrace. But it felt out of place. Ciel’s sweet smell was missing and his body was cold. But Sebastian was drunk in the illusion of the love of his life. The one who change his life forever. The one that he can’t live without. Christmas or another day of the year was empty without him.

“Stay with me” Sebastian whisper into Ciel’s hair.

“Come with me” And Ciel took Sebastian hand and walked them both into the bedroom. The room where they make love for the first time. The room they share like husbands for seven years. Sebastian has immensely happy, for the first time in over that a year.

So many memories that he had played over and over in his mind to avoided going insane since last Christmas revived. The empty apartment Sebastian use to live in was transform into a cozy home by Ciel extravagant taste, when he had run away from home. All the love making, the silly childish fights, his secret marriage, the way Ciel make his family liked Sebastian if they wanted to be part of his life, all the warm Christmas they spend with friends and family with in that apartment. Those where the greatest moments of his life. But now they were all gone.

And so, as he walked into his empty bedroom by the hand of his beloved, or his sixth bottle of whisky almost empty, he started to fill coldness. Ciel guide him into the bed and they both lay down embracing each other.

“Come with me.” Ciel said one last time as Sebastian’s cold body was letting out his last breath, making the bottle rolling across the bed crushing into millions of pieces into the floor.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Follow me on: [ninagore.tumblr.com](https://ninagore.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I'll appreciate alot your commenst and kudos! :)


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